


Evergreen

by Antilocapra



Category: HLVRAI - Fandom, Half-Life VR but the AI is Self-Aware - Fandom
Genre: Age Regression/De-Aging, Angst, Black Mesa was effed up, Gen, HOW does HLVRAI STILL not have its own tag, Human Experimentation, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, No underage nonsense here, Pre-Relationship, Swearing, and we're gonna explore that, kind of, more characters will be added as work goes on, tags subject to change as work goes on, they are still just buds
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-12 10:07:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29508075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Antilocapra/pseuds/Antilocapra
Summary: “...Tommy? Did you steal a kid?”“What? Haha, noooo, Mr. Freeman, of - of course not -”Gordon rubbed his free hand over his face and sighed. “Wait, yeah, that’s ridiculous. Benrey stole the kid, didn’t he?”“...Welllll…” Tommy dragged the word out, and Gordon went cold.“Wait, did he - did he actually steal a kid? Do we need to call the cops? Tommy,whatis going -”“Mr. Freeman, listen!" Tommy snapped. "It’s Benrey. The kid is...it’s Benrey.”De-aging fic, because why not.
Relationships: Benrey & Gordon Freeman, Bubby/Dr. Coomer (Half-Life), Tommy Coolatta/Darnold
Comments: 64
Kudos: 113





	1. The Call

**Author's Note:**

> Feeling evil, so I'm posting this before I'm done with the whole thing, even though I told myself I'd finish it before I started posting. However, that was before I had three other fics going, so I feel obligated now to toss out scraps while I continue to work on the one big long work. However, knowing me, at least one of these others will _also_ turn out to be a big long work. I wish I could say I'm sorry, but I'm just delighted to be writing so much, and y'all are casualties of my newfound productivity. I hope you enjoy the ride.

The phone rang five times before Tommy picked up. Gordon was adjusting his brain into “leaving a message” mode, so he stumbled when Tommy’s voice suddenly answered, just a little too loud to be comfortable.

“HELLO?”

“Ow, fuck - sorry, hi Tommy,” Gordon said, holding the phone out away from his head a little.

“H-hi Mr. Freeman!”

“Hey, I was just wondering, is Benrey still with you?” Gordon gave the pot on the stove a quick stir, then checked the temperature of the preheating oven. “I figured he’d be back by now, and I wanted to know if he was planning to be here for dinner or not.”

“Oh, um, yeah, Mr. Freeman, but you - do you - he, um, he might stay the, for the night, we’re doing a, um, a Street - Street Fighter marathon and it’s really, he’s really, um -”

Gordon frowned, glancing over toward the living room, where the DVD cases of all three Star Wars prequels were stacked on the coffee table. Benrey had assured him that they were “the best movies, forget the boring old ones, these are much better, you gotta watch ‘em with me, please, you gotta,” until Gordon had caved and agreed.

“That’s...weird,” Gordon said, cutting through Tommy’s rambling. “I thought we had plans to...well, never mind then. Just ask him -”

He stopped talking as a sound rose in the background of the call on Tommy’s end, a piercing siren wail that hooked tiny hot fingers behind Gordon’s sternum and pulled. He flinched, because it was a familiar horror he’d had to deal with before in public, always wincing and apologetic as he carted Joshua out of whatever area they’d been in, be it grocery store or hair salon or movie theater or even the aquarium that they’d _just_ paid thirty dollars to get into. It was the wail of a toddler who has _had enough_.

“...Tommy?” Gordon said to the suspiciously silent scientist. “What is that?”

“Um…” Tommy’s voice was normally hesitant, and he stumbled over his words when he was trying to get too many thoughts out at once, or when he was distracted, but Gordon realized - belatedly - that this whole conversation had been particularly difficult for Tommy.

“Did you steal a kid?”

“What? Haha, noooo, Mr. Freeman, of - of course not -” 

Gordon rubbed his free hand over his face and sighed. “Wait, yeah, that’s ridiculous. Benrey stole the kid, didn’t he?”

The wail continued in the background, sounding slightly muffled in a way that suggested either Tommy or the kid had moved to another room and put a closed door between them. 

“...Welllll…” Tommy dragged the word out, and Gordon went cold. 

“Wait, did he - did he actually steal a kid? Do we need to call the cops? Tommy, what the fuck is -”

“It’s Benrey!” Tommy said.

“Yeah, I know,” Gordon snapped, pacing back and forth in the kitchen, heedless of the pot bubbling on the stove, free hand tangled in his hair. “Put him on the fucking phone, oh my god, where did he even _find_ an unattended child, what did he do with the _parents_ -?”

“Mr. Freeman, listen!” Tommy snapped, and Gordon flinched. He’d followed Tommy through hell once, trusted him to protect him when he was at his most vulnerable. The metal fingers of his prosthetic tightened on the phone case, and he stopped pacing.

“Tommy, _what_ is going on?”

There was a moment of silence, then a slight crackle as Tommy took a deep breath. 

“It’s Benrey,” he said. “The kid is...it’s Benrey. There was a potion, and we thought it would - it was supposed to - Darnold didn’t know, and I don’t -” He stopped again, took another breath, then continued, “Benrey’s a kid, and he - he doesn’t know who we are.”

Gordon stood blinking in the middle of his kitchen. Behind him, the stove hissed and spat as the pot boiled over. He cursed and darted over to turn it off, then turned the oven off as well.

“I’m coming over.”


	2. First Contact

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters dropping at once, because the first one is more an intro than anything, so we gotta have some substance.

Tommy and Darnold had moved in together not long after the Black Mesa incident. Dr. Coomer and Bubby lived in a cute little suburban house near downtown, but Darnold wanted more space for ventilation and potential issues with his potions, so he and Tommy had a house more on the outskirts of the city. Gordon was the most rural - he’d picked a place that was out of the way, with plenty of property so Joshua had lots of room to run around on his visits. It was on a major bus line into the city, since Gordon figured he’d probably like to go back to work eventually, just for something to do. But in the meantime, between the hush money and the disability insurance and workman’s comp, he was pretty comfortable. 

He was also less than twenty minutes away from Tommy and Darnold’s, and he cut that time nearly in half as he raced down darkened desert streets to reach their single-story place at the end of a long driveway.

Before Tommy even opened the door Gordon could hear the shrieking. It was a good thing the closest neighbors were half a mile away, otherwise they might have called the cops by now. Tommy looked frazzled, and blinked at Gordon for a moment before reaching up and pulling a foam earplug out of one ear. 

“H- hi Dr. Freeman,” he said sheepishly.

“Oh, so _now_ it’s ‘doctor,’” Gordon said waspishly, pushing past Tommy with a hastily-packed backpack in one hand. “Has he been screaming the whole time?”

“Y-yeah,” Tommy said, “but it got worse when your car got closer. I think his, um, his ears are sensitive.”

“Did you try giving him earplugs?”

Tommy shook his head miserably. “We can barely - we can’t get close to him. Darnold gave him the blanket from the couch and he’s under there just - just crying. It’s not even sweet voice, so I can’t - I don’t even know what he needs.”

“Well, right now, he needs to stop crying or he’ll make himself sick.” Gordon took two steps and paused. “You said on the phone he’s about Joshua’s size, but is he - is he the same shape? Does he look human, or…?”

Tommy put a hand on his shoulder blade and pushed him into the next room. “He looked human before he went under the blanket, so I - I hope he still is, or the clothes won’t fit.”

“Tommy, buddy, that’s the least of our worries right now,” Gordon said, letting himself be guided toward the back of the house. “What about his powers? Can he - has he clipped through any walls, or anything?”

“I think he might - might have tried shapeshifting,” Tommy said. “The blanket got - it looked weird for a minute earlier, but then it stopped.”

Gordon shook his head and hefted the backpack up to avoid knocking it against a table in the hall. “Great. Hopefully he doesn’t remember how to use his powers, because if he starts clipping we’ll never catch him. How long is the potion supposed to last?”

“Ummmm,” Tommy hummed as they stepped into the study near the back door. “Darnold? Dr. Freeman wants to know how long the potion effects last.”

Darnold looked up from his seat on the floor and glared. He looked even more frazzled than Tommy, the gray streaks in his dark hair somehow more pronounced, the lines around his mouth and eyes deep chasms of stress. “Don’t involve me in this,” he said sharply, loud enough to be heard through the siren wail coming from under a mound of blanket tucked between the couch and the wall. “ _You’re_ the one who told him to drink it.”

“I didn’t think he _would_ ,” Tommy snapped, still standing a little behind Gordon, as if using him as a shield. “He just chugged it, and -”

“If you would _read_ the _labels_ , you’d know what’s ready for use and what’s still in testing!” Darnold shouted, obviously at his wit’s end.

“I’m not -” Tommy started, and Gordon hooked the backpack strap over his elbow and clapped sharply.

“ENOUGH!” He barked, and then winced and shook out his flesh hand. He’d forgotten the force he had in the prosthetic now. _Fuck_ , that hurt.

To his surprise, all three voices in the room went silent. Darnold flicked wide eyes to the blanket-covered shape against the wall, which sniffled and hiccuped miserably.

“Okay,” Gordon said, in a normal tone of voice. “Both of you obviously need a minute. How about you go outside, and I’ll check on...our new friend.” He wasn’t sure _who_ was under that blanket, but it certainly wasn’t the Benrey he had grown to know over the last few months.

Darnold heaved a sigh and hauled himself to his feet, his knees clicking audibly. Tommy reached for his hand, but Darnold gave him such a scathing look that Tommy backed up and let him lead the way through the screen door and out into the backyard.

The blanket sniffed wetly again. Gordon sighed and stepped forward before crouching down and crossing his legs, placing the backpack on the floor in front of him and unzipping it.

“It sounds like you’re a little confused right now, Benrey,” he said, his voice as gentle and calm as he could manage, “so I’ll introduce myself. My name is Gordon, and you and I are friends.”

The blanket huffed. Gordon couldn’t help but grin a little at the display of personality. 

“We _are_ ,” he insisted, and pulled Joshua’s old pajamas out of the backpack. Joshie had decided that dinosaur pajamas weren’t really _him_ , and had graduated to cowboy-themed pajamas the last time he came to stay with Gordon. But the dinosaur pair wasn’t too heavily used, and the elastic still had a lot of hold - which Gordon was counting on, since he’d only gotten the vaguest idea of Benrey’s size from Tommy on the phone. “So hey, I’ve got some clothes here for you, that might make you feel a little more comfortable. I’m gonna tuck them under the edge of the blanket, okay?”

The blanket didn’t respond. Gordon waited for a moment, then shrugged and pushed the folded pajamas across the carpet so they would make a rustling sound and hopefully not be startling. He had barely nudged them beneath the blanket’s trailing edge when something underneath grabbed them and whisked them in.

Gordon chuckled. “I guess that means you don’t need help putting them on.”

All movement under the blanket stilled, then resumed with even more of a flurry. Gordon blinked, and then the blanket pulled back and he was looking at the face of a small child poking out of the folds. Benrey still had the blanket bundled loosely around him, but it was low enough that Gordon could see he had the pajama shirt on, at least, so he assumed the pants were on as well.

“Hi, Benrey,” Gordon said, smiling gently. It was very important that he continue to project an air of calm and comfort, even as his internal thoughts were _flipping the fuck out_. This kid barely looked like Benrey - his skin had an unhealthy pallor, there were dark shadows around his sunken eyes, and those eyes were a vivid, vibrant crimson. He looked like a vampire or something. He barely looked human.

“Why’re you calling me that?” The little voice was lower than he’d expected, and raspy from crying. 

“Well,” Gordon stuttered, “it’s - that’s your name, right?”

The little figure shook his head. He had shockingly dark hair, so black it wasn’t even reflecting light, and if Gordon focused on it for too long it almost looked like it was moving on its own. “M’not - haven’t got a real name.”

Gordon’s heart dropped. “What...what are you called?”

“...Specimen 36.” 

“Oh...kay…” Gordon said slowly, fighting back nausea. He was in over his head. He was in _way_ over his head. “Would you - do you want me to...call you that?” Please say no, please say no, how could he call his friend something like _that_ -

The child shook his head again, more slowly this time. He hadn’t made proper eye contact yet, but now he looked down, and the edges of the blanket twisted together as if he was fiddling with it with both hands.

“Benny’s okay,” he said, very quietly.

“Benrey’s okay?” Gordon repeated.

“Ben...er-ee,” the child repeated slowly, and his mouth twisted in displeasure at the laborious formation of the syllables.

“Or - Benny?” Gordon hastened to say. “We can do Benny. That’ll work just fine.”

The little boy looked up and nodded silently.

“Okay. Benny. Nice to meet you,” Gordon said, and began to extend his right hand. But Benny’s eyes widened and he flinched violently backward, his shoulders thumping against the wall as he scrambled to get away.

“Shi- I mean, I’m sorry!” Gordon only just managed not to swear in front of the traumatized child as he yanked his hand back and held both hands up by his shoulders. “I’m sorry, that was - that was a handshake, it’s - people do that when they meet, it’s a greeting, it’s - it’s fine, don’t worry about it, I’m sorry.”

Benny blinked and swallowed, then looked down and shuffled forward before one arm slowly emerged from the blanket’s folds and reached out toward Gordon. 

“It’s...a new greeting?” he said, and the inflection was a little weird, but Gordon wasn’t paying attention to that, because now he could see Benny’s trembling hand, and his index and ring fingers were missing their nails. 

“Benr - Benny, what happened to your fingernails?” Gordon asked, his hands still at shoulder height.

Benny looked down and tilted his hand. The nail beds weren’t bleeding, but they were red and raw-looking. “Testing,” he said, and Gordon felt sick.

“You don’t have to shake hands, it’s okay. Some people don’t,” Gordon said. “We can - we can wave instead.”

Benny stared at him.

“Like this,” Gordon said desperately, and waved his right hand. Benny’s red-eyed gaze flicked over, and he pulled his hand back, raised it to shoulder height, and wiggled it as well.

“That’s - perfect,” Gordon said, because what else was he supposed to say? He wasn’t qualified for this. The palm of Benny’s hand looked shiny, like a new burn scar, and Gordon did _not_ want to think about it. He knew Benrey had been experimented on at Black Mesa, he’d mentioned it in passing before, but this was beyond anything Gordon had pictured. Had Black Mesa really tortured a child for the sake of research?

...If it was an alien child, yeah. He could see it - and it made him even gladder that Black Mesa was nothing more than craters and ash now.

Gordon licked his lips and looked down at the open backpack. “Hey, could I get you to drink some water? I bet your throat hurts from all the fuss.”

Benny’s shoulders hunched. “...S’rry,” he said.

“No, no, no, it’s okay,” Gordon said, and held up a plastic water bottle. “Can I roll this to you?”

Benny nodded, and reached down to pick up the bottle when it bumped against the edge of the blanket. He held it in both hands and worked at the cap with great concentration. 

“It’s still sealed, so you gotta twist it off,” Gordon said, his hands miming the motion. Benny’s brow furrowed, and he pulled his knees up under the blanket to steady the bottle as he struggled to untwist the cap. He made a tiny frustrated sound, and just as Gordon was reaching out to offer his help, Benny’s eyes flashed like brakelights and he did _something_ with his hands - and the entire top of the bottle came off, sloshing several ounces of water onto the blanket.

Benny froze, his wide eyes dulled back to flat crimson, both hands steadying the bottle in his lap as the water inside settled below the sheared-off edge. The cap and neck of the bottle were nowhere to be seen.

“Oh...okay,” Gordon said, and leaned back. “That works, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come yell at me on Tumblr @Antilocaprine


	3. Puzzle Pieces

Benny looked up at him with obvious concern, and Gordon smiled reassuringly, deciding to act like everything was normal, despite...everything. “Do you want a snack to go with your water?” He rummaged around in the backpack, and from the corner of his eye saw Benny raise the water bottle to his mouth. “I’ve got fruit snacks, granola bars, applesauce packets, chocolate bars -”

“No!” Benny said loudly, and Gordon jerked his head up. The child’s eyes were wide and frightened, still red-rimmed from crying. “I’m - I mean - no more testing please? Please’n’thank you?”

“What - I didn’t say anything about testing, buddy,” Gordon said, completely baffled.

“Choc’late is for after testing,” Benny said, and again the inflection on the words was strange, like he was reciting something someone else had said.

Gordon took a slow breath, his mind working frantically. He really needed a child psychologist, and a trauma therapist, and maybe someone who dealt with soldiers who had been tortured, because he was certain he was going to find more marks than the missing fingernails and burn scars. He was pretty sure the shadowed side of Benny’s face had a bruise on the jawline, but half-tucked behind the couch as he was, it was hard to tell. 

“No more testing, Benny,” Gordon said gently. “We don’t do that here. You’re not in Black Mesa anymore.”

Benny glanced over his shoulder, and yep, that was definitely a bruise coloring half his jaw purple. “...But...the scientists,” he said, and oh, then Gordon understood.

Both Tommy and Darnold followed proper personal protection protocols while working on lab substances, and they often forgot to change out of their labcoats when they came inside for breaks. They had shed their safety goggles, but hell, Darnold was still wearing his gloves when Gordon walked in. Two men in white coats, one with rubber gloves - of course Benny had thought they were more of the Black Mesa scientists who had held him captive as a child.

And then Gordon had walked in with a backpack full of clothes and snacks, dressed in jeans and a t-shirt under an unzipped hoodie, with long hair that could barely be contained under a hairnet at the best of times - _of course_ Benny was more comfortable with him. 

“They’re not that kind of scientists,” Gordon said firmly. “None of us are.” Benny’s wide eyes flicked over to him, but it was better for him to hear it now than later. “I study theoretical physics, Darnold is a...mixologist, who deals with potions -” that still sounded ridiculous to say, “and Tommy deals with...something in biotech.” Tommy’s specialty was more in the bioengineering field - he’d created an immortal dog, after all - but Gordon had realized halfway through his sentence that “bioengineering” might be a buzzword for a biological creature used to experimentation. 

Benny went very still. “You - you’re a scientist?” His voice was quiet, and hesitant, and suddenly very guarded.

Well, fuck. What the _hell_ was Gordon supposed to say? He couldn’t lie to the kid - Benrey seemed to always be able to tell when Gordon was lying, so for all he knew it was something inherent, and he had just barely been able to talk to Benny already. If he lost the child’s trust now…

If he lost the child’s trust now, he would run, and if he had control over his abilities and could clip through solid objects, change size, and teleport, they would never see him again.

“Benny,” Gordon started slowly, choosing his words carefully. “I _am_ a scientist, but I’m not going to hurt you, and neither are Tommy or Darnold - the other two people who were just here. I’m not going to let anyone hurt you anymore. We’re all scientists, but we’re good ones - we do research, and we study how the world works. We don’t hurt people.”

Benny absently rubbed his fingers together. Gordon saw a flash of his other hand and had to suck in air through his nose. Benny was missing his left little finger, and the stump was black and burned. They’d cauterized it and left it untreated. He suddenly wished there was something left of Black Mesa, just so he could burn it down again. 

“No more testing?” Benny said after a few moments of silence.

“No more testing. Not like that,” Gordon said, gesturing at Benny’s hands.

“Okay,” Benny said, and nodded jerkily.

“So...would you like something to eat? Fruit snacks, applesauce?”

“I, um....I only get to eat...squishy stuff. And like-water stuff.”

Gordon squinted. “Like-water stuff?”

Benny wiggled the water bottle, and the water inside sloshed around loosely. “Like this,” he said.

“You’re used to a liquid diet?” Gordon guessed, and then kicked himself for using such a clinical term when Benny tensed and nodded robotically. 

“Okay, then let’s try the applesauce. It’s...it’s pretty squishy.” Gordon pulled one of the squeezable packets out of the backpack and looked up at Benny. “Can I take the top off for you? This one’s pretty tricky, but once it’s open you just squeeze it to get the applesauce out.”

Benny nodded jerkily again, looking a little guilty as he glanced at the decapitated water bottle next to his blanket. Gordon twisted the cap off with a sharp pop, which made Benny flinch - right, sensitive ears - and then reached out and balanced the packet on its collapsible base on the carpet between the two of them. After he pulled his hand back, Benny reached out and picked up the pouch, bringing it up to his mouth and squeezing it with his other hand. The scientists must have given him something similar, because he didn’t have any trouble moderating the flow - Gordon had been worried he might squeeze applesauce all over himself.

Instead, he swallowed, then froze, his eyes going huge before pulling the pouch down and staring at Gordon. “It’s good!” he said, and he sounded so shocked that his food would actually taste good that it broke Gordon’s heart.

“Yeah, buddy,” he said weakly. “It sure is.”

“It’s...just food?” Benny asked, then continued when Gordon just stared at him, perplexed. “Not… s’not reward-for-testing, or treat-for-behaving?”

Gordon was again struck by his manner of speaking - it sounded like he was regurgitating phrases that had been spoken to him, repeating collections of words the way they might be written on a communal whiteboard, or a clipboard checklist.

“That’s just normal food,” Gordon said. “You can have more, if you like. I’ve got three more of those in here.” He glanced down into the backpack, and when he raised his head Benny was half-out of the blanket, holding the empty pouch out toward Gordon.

“Please’n’thank you?” He said it like it was all one word. _Pliesenthancue_.

“Sure thing, buddy,” Gordon said, and popped the top off another applesauce packet.

By the time Tommy and Darnold came back inside, peeking around the doorway into the living room, Benny was mostly out of the blanket and surrounded by empty snack packets. Gordon had cut him off after he finished the four applesauce pouches and ate a packet of gummy fruit snacks - he wanted to give the kid a chance to try something semi-solid, but he did _not_ want him throwing up on the nice carpet.

Tommy’s curls were frizzy from the cool night air outside, and Darnold looked more relaxed and less worn. Benny had flinched when they’d opened the back door, but hadn’t reacted other than that, so Gordon figured it was okay to have them all in the same room. He was glad to see that they had changed out of their PPE, leaving Darnold in a purple button-down and Tommy in a yellow t-shirt.

“How - how are things going?” Tommy asked hesitantly.

“We’re doing okay, huh Benny?” Gordon said, and Benny nodded, but didn’t take his eyes off the carpet. He had one of the fidget puzzles Joshua played with sometimes and was absentmindedly rolling the smooth metal rings between his fingers, the links softly clinking. It was one of the interlocking stainless steel ones that claimed to have a solution, but Gordon had never seen an actual puzzle solved, so he wasn’t sure how much to believe it.

“...Benny?” Darnold repeated.

“Yeah, we should do introductions,” Gordon said, resigned to taking the lead in this. “Guys, this is Benny. Benny, this is Tommy and Darnold. Tommy’s the one with the hat,” he added in an exaggerated stage whisper, holding one hand beside his mouth as if to block it from Tommy’s view. Benny smiled weakly, but only glanced up at the homeowners before returning his attention to the toy in his hands.

“It’s, um, nice to m- nice to meet you, Benny,” Tommy said hesitantly. Both he and Darnold were hovering in the doorway like they were ready to run at the slightest sound from Benny - and that wouldn’t do. He was a kid, not a volcano.

“Hey, Benny, can Tommy hang out with you for a minute?” Gordon asked, hauling himself to his feet. Benny nodded jerkily again, but didn’t look up. Whatever, close enough.

Tommy looked absolutely panicked at the prospect of being alone with the de-aged alien, and shook his head frantically as Gordon moved toward him. Gordon just glared and jerked his head, clearly indicating that Tommy should go sit down by Benny. 

“C’mon, man, go hang out,” Gordon told him. “Talk about alien stuff or your giant dog or something, I dunno. I have potion questions for Darnold.” 

Darnold looked deeply relieved that he was not going to be on kid duty, and he ushered Gordon into the kitchen as Tommy spluttered behind them. Gordon knew he would be fine - most people were better with kids than they thought they were, and Tommy was no exception. 

“...You have a giant dog?” Gordon heard Benny say as Darnold led the way to the kitchen island, and he grinned. Yeah, Tommy would be fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come yell at me on tumblr @Antilocaprine


	4. Setting Timelines

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which Gordon is forced to continue to be the Only Sensible Adult in the room, though Darnold is edging up in the rankings. Also please let me know if you see a "Benrey" where there should be a "Benny" - when they're talking about the adult version, that's Benrey, but if Benny's doing something tragic and I say "Benrey" instead, that's a mistake. Thank you for reading!

In the kitchen, Darnold leaned over the counter and dropped his head. “I need a drink,” he groaned.

“Probably not a good idea with a kid in the house,” Gordon said. “How long is this thing supposed to last? It’ll wear off, right?”

Darnold tilted his head up enough to glare at Gordon with one eye. “What’s the point of a temporary potion? What if your arm had gone back to being a stump in the middle of a firefight?”

Gordon twitched and clenched his prosthetic tightly. He didn’t have phantom pains as often as he used to, but this conversation was going to bring them out if he wasn’t careful. 

“All right,” he said, instead of snapping something reactionary. There was a kid in the house, after all. “So what’s the situation? What was it supposed to do, and can you make something that’ll reverse...whatever actually happened?”

Darnold scrubbed both hands through his hair and leaned back against the far counter. “It’s complicated,” he said, crossing his arms and leveling Gordon with a look that said he was nearing the end of his rope. “The potion he drank was a sort of...pet project. It’s supposed to physically reverse tissue damage, revert it back to a prior state. The amount of the potion consumed would line up with how far back you wanted to go. But…” he trailed off and glanced toward the doorway into the living room. “I didn’t know it would work quite so...specifically. And to include brain tissue, too, or neurons, or something that builds memories...I think I might have to scrap this.”

“What was it for in the first place?" Gordon asked. "Is it a healing potion, or an immortality potion, or something else?”

Darnold’s eyes flicked down to Gordon’s crossed arms, then he looked away and sighed. “Something like that. But it was still in the experimental phase, and Benrey drank the whole thing. I don’t...I’m not sure what’s going to happen.”

Gordon felt his eyes narrow. “What, exactly, does that mean? Do you think he’s going to keep getting younger?”

“Oh, no,” Darnold chuckled, “not at all, don’t worry. But it might hold him back from aging any more from this point - or it might change other things. We don’t really know much about him, do we?”

Gordon sighed and glanced back toward the living room, where he could hear Tommy’s voice. “No, I guess not. I don’t, at least. I think Tommy would know the most, he’s the one who knew him before everything. He’s only been living with me for a few weeks, and he doesn’t talk about himself much.”

Darnold made a face. “I already asked Tommy when we were outside. He says he met Benrey at Black Mesa two years ago, and he doesn’t know how long he was there before that. It’s pretty obvious that he didn’t have the best childhood.”

“Yeah, that was obvious before, but this…” Gordon squeezed his eyes shut and pressed his fingers against his eyelids, the metal digits of his prosthetic cold on the delicate skin. “This is way worse than anything I would have thought of. What the hell was the _goal_?”

Darnold huffed quietly. “Oh, you know what their excuses would have been. Knowledge, the advancement of science - he can regenerate, Gordon, and change his shape. You know Black Mesa would have been all over that, for their connection to the military alone.”

“I know, I know,” Gordon said, and dropped his hands as he sent Darnold a tired look. “But - he’s still a child. His first reaction to fear was to hide under a fucking blanket. He’s just a _kid_.”

“Some people have always been willing to do terrible things in the name of science,” Darnold said quietly, looking down and pressing his hands together, the lighter skin on his palms rubbing over the darker skin on the backs of his hands. “All we can do is remember that, and try to be better going forward.” He looked up and met Gordon’s tired gaze with his own exhausted eyes.

“I’ll do whatever I can to mix something up that’ll counteract this potion, but I can’t do it in a day.” He sounded almost apologetic, which was ridiculous. “And I’ll need to be focusing on that 24/7. Tommy can’t take care of Benrey alone - and I don’t think it would be good for either of them, to be honest. It’s a good thing we don’t want kids, or I think this would have led to some big conversations.”

Gordon chuckled roughly. “Yeah, I was getting that impression.” Then he thought about what Darnold was saying and his smile quirked. “You want to send him home with me, don’t you?”

“It’s the only option, Gordon,” Darnold said. “I can fix this, I know I can, but it’ll take uninterrupted time. Your house is already kid-proofed, and you’re not working right now, so you don’t have to leave him alone. And you’re good with him, so much better than we are, and you’re a dad so you, you know how to raise a kid, and we’re not -” he broke off, then continued before Gordon could get a word in edgewise. “Please, Gordon, this is too much.”

He’d heard those words before, in a much different situation, but Gordon knew the sentiment was the same. Living with a small child _could_ be like living in a warzone, complete with toy-based landmines and chemical warfare. And Gordon knew Darnold didn’t do well with chaotic situations.

“I was kinda figuring that already,” he said, and Darnold actually looked surprised. Gordon snorted. “What, you thought I was going to make him stay with you two? He turned into a kid and you were going to try to hide it from the one guy in the group who actually _has_ a kid! Of _course_ he’s not staying here.”

“Oh, thank goodness,” Darnold said, and slumped against the counter. “That’s - _thank you_ , Gordon.”

Gordon chuckled. “Yeah, yeah, you both still owe me for this. We were just barely getting into the roommate groove and this is totally gonna throw us off.” Then he paused as a thought struck him. “Will he...will he remember this? If you - _when_ you change him back?”

“I don’t know,” Darnold shrugged. “It’ll depend on a lot of factors, and when it comes down to it, the potion I’ll have to design to get him back might not be able to compensate for lost time. It would be easiest to try to bring him back to the exact biopoint at which he drank _this_ potion…”

He trailed off into mumbles and Gordon realized he was already designing mixes in his head. He grinned and walked back out of the kitchen, patting Darnold on the shoulder as he went. Darnold nodded absently and stared off into space, his lips still moving and his mind obviously far away.

When Gordon got back into the living room, he was greeted by an awkward silence. Tommy was cross-legged on the floor, his lips pursed and tapping his fingers on his ankles. Benny was wrapped up in his blanket again, only his red eyes visible under the shadow of the fabric.

“Well, this looks like fun,” Gordon said, and Tommy huffed, but Benny pulled the blanket back to look up at Gordon.

“He said he has a giant dog but she’s not here. I don’t believe him,” he complained.

“I _told_ you,” Tommy said firmly, “she’s with my dad right now. I said you can see her when I get her back.”

“Why does your dad have Sunkist?” Gordon asked, genuinely surprised.

Tommy looked shifty. “He said something about grand-dog time. ...And also I asked him to, so Darnold and I could have the weekend to, um…”

“Okay!” Gordon said quickly, because for fuck’s sake, Tommy, there was a kid in the room. “So we can see her later. Great. Let’s plan on that. Hey, Benny?” He crouched down to put himself at a level with the child. “Is it okay if I take you to my house? My son is with his other parent right now, but I’m sure he’d be okay with you staying in his room and playing with his toys. You guys are about the same age - I think,” he added. “And then Tommy can come visit us with Sunkist at some point. I’ve got a much bigger yard at my place, she always loves to run around there.”

Benny looked uncertain. “Where do you live?”

“I’m about twenty minutes away, a little closer to the mountains.”

“Do other people stay there?” Benny asked, and okay, how was Gordon supposed to answer that? He couldn’t very well tell this traumatized and confused kid that _he_ lived there, too - he’d probably think Gordon was taking him back to Black Mesa. Tommy was tense next to him, but he didn’t interject, clearly just as out of his depth as Gordon was.

“No,” Gordon said after a moment. “I had a roommate, but he, uh, he had to go on a trip and I’m not sure when he’ll be back, but it’ll...it’ll probably be a while. You shouldn’t have to worry about that.”

Benny nodded but stayed silent, obviously thinking. Gordon let him turn it over in his mind. He was pretty sure he knew what the answer would be.

“I can stay in a room?” Benny asked quietly.

“Yeah, sure thing. Unless you wanted to sleep somewhere else in the house.”

“Does it…” Benny looked like he was worrying the blanket between his hands again, before he continued in a whisper. “Is there a real bed?”

Tommy made a broken noise, and Gordon breathed in slowly before smiling as gently as he could at Benny, even as his chest burned with outrage. “Yeah, buddy, there’s a real bed. And couches like these, and Joshie’s got a bean bag chair - lots of soft things.”

Benny nodded decisively. “Please ’n’ thank you,” he said, and Gordon felt his mouth tweaking up at the corner in a genuine smile.

“Alrighty then,” he said and stood, reaching down to give Tommy a hand up as well. “Then let’s gather our stuff and head out, okay?”

Benny wriggled one hand out of the folds of the blanket to offer Gordon the fidget puzzle, fully solved with all the links unlocked and hanging neatly on the metal crosspiece. Gordon blinked at it - he hadn't even been sure it was _possible_ to solve it. He’d thought it was just for messing with.

“Did you do this by yourself?” It was an admittedly dumb thing to say, but technically Tommy could have helped. But Benny shook his head, and then ducked as if he expected to get hit.

Gordon hastened to reassure him. “That’s incredible, good job!” He gently took the puzzle from Benny’s trembling grasp, and Benny pulled his hand back under the blanket and tightened it around himself.

Darnold had come out of the kitchen and was leaning his shoulder against the doorway. Gordon glanced between him and Tommy, who had moved to join him. “Is it okay if we borrow the blanket? It’s pretty chilly out there.”

“O-of course!” Tommy said, and Darnold nodded.

“Awesome, thank you,” Gordon said, bending down to scoop food wrappers into his backpack before zipping it up and slinging one strap over his shoulder. He hesitated, then slowly held a hand out toward Benny’s blanket-pile-hidden self.

“Do you want to walk, or do you want me to carry you?”

Benny stared at him with wide eyes. “...Carry me?” he said in a tone that suggested he was asking a question rather than answering Gordon’s.

Gordon’s smile faltered. “Yeah, like - in my arms - like this,” he added, struck by inspiration, and swung the backpack around to cradle it in front of him. 

Benny continued to stare at him, red gaze flicking from Gordon’s face to his arms and back. 

“Or,” Gordon said after a few moments, “or you can walk, that’s fine, too. But the blanket might get tangled in your legs, and I don’t want you to trip and get hurt.”

“But,” Benny said, and then paused. “It won’t...hurt you?”

“What, carrying you? Of course not,” Gordon said, laughing a little before he realized he should maybe reconsider that, because hell, he didn’t know what was going on with Benny right now. Maybe he had fucking platypus poison spurs in his ankles or something - but even if that was the case, Benny would be wrapped in the blanket, so it wouldn’t matter.

“Okay, please,” Benny said, and shuffled up into a more vertical position, pulling the blanket around himself. “Please ‘n’ thank you.”

Gordon smiled and put the backpack back on, hooking both straps over his shoulder this time, before crouching down in front of Benny and reaching his arms out. Benny stepped forward, apprehension clear on his face and the blanket trailing behind him like the train of a gown.

It was easy to scoop him up and stand. Gordon was a little shocked at how light he was, but he knew he shouldn’t be. Of course Black Mesa was starving him, too. Bastards.

“You’re okay?” Benny asked, holding himself stiffly. The blanket had fallen from around his head, and his vantablack hair was moving gently as if in a breeze. Gordon tried not to think about it, smiling at Benny instead.

“Yep, feeling fine. Did the scientists tell you they couldn’t carry you or something?”

Benny nodded, eyes downcast.

“Well,” Gordon said, and hefted Benny a little higher on his hip, “that sounds dumb. Most of what they told you sounds dumb, so we’re not gonna think about them, okay?”

Benny nodded again, then leaned into Gordon, pressing his cheek against Gordon’s collarbone, his head tucked under Gordon’s chin. Gordon was forcibly reminded of Joshua after a nightmare, when all he wanted was to be wrapped up as tightly in Gordon’s arms as he could possibly be. If the scientists didn’t carry Benny, and he wasn’t used to a real bed, or real food…the phrase “touch-starved” floated across Gordon’s mind, and he turned to look at Tommy and Darnold. 

They were both standing in the doorway, now, Darnold’s arm around Tommy’s waist. Tommy’s arms were crossed, but Gordon recognized a self-defensive pose when he saw one. At least Tommy was leaning into Darnold’s side to reciprocate, but he looked miserable, doubtlessly believing this whole situation was his fault. And maybe it partially was, but knowing Benrey, Gordon was willing to bet it was at least half his fault as well. Anyway, it didn’t matter now. What was done was done, and all they could do was move forward.

Gordon smiled tightly at the two scientists. “I’ll call you tomorrow, is that okay? I think we’ll need some time to get settled.”

“That sounds fine, thank you,” Darnold said, and Gordon could see his hand squeeze Tommy tighter against his side.

Tommy moved when Gordon did, stepping ahead of him to open the front door, then slouching down the sidewalk to open Gordon’s passenger-side door as well.

“Ah, no, let’s do the backseat,” Gordon said. “It’s safer.”

“Oh, right,” Tommy said quietly, and held the back door open as Gordon eased Benny down into the middle seat. 

“I gotta strap this seatbelt on, okay?” Gordon said, and showed Benny how the lap belt clipped in and out. “It’s for safety. But if you need to get out, just push this button and it’ll unsnap. You’re not trapped.”

Benny nodded and pulled the blanket up over his head again, leaving just his eyes exposed. When Gordon stood up to close the door, Tommy was still standing right there.

“I’m sorry,” he blurted out as Gordon closed the door. “I’m sorry, I didn’t - I didn’t know it would do this, and now -”

“Hey,” Gordon said, stepping forward to grab Tommy’s shoulder with one hand and pressing the other to his cheek, the same grounding technique he’d used on the team in Black Mesa. It was more to ground him than them, but they rarely pulled away, so he hoped it went both ways. This time, Tommy leaned into Gordon’s palm, his expression miserable. 

“It’s gonna be okay,” Gordon said. It was all he could say. Tommy nodded despondently, faint stubble scraping Gordon’s bare palm. Then he stepped back and ducked his head to wave at Benny through the window. Benny just stared at him with his tail-light-red eyes, utterly silent.

Gordon waved at Darnold where he was standing in the doorway, backlit by the entryway lights, before dropping into the driver’s seat and turning the key. When he glanced up at the rearview mirror, Benny was squinting, with his hands clamped tightly over his ears.

“Oh - shoot - hang on,” Gordon sputtered, cursing himself for forgetting the sensitive ears situation. He dug into the backpack he’d dropped on the passenger seat and offered Benny a pair of the big sound-dampening ear muffs that he bought for Joshua for concerts and amusement parks. He demonstrated on himself, and smiled when Benny put them on and immediately relaxed, tension easing out of his face and shoulders. He pulled the blanket back up to swaddle himself again and even gave Gordon a small smile.

Yeah, okay. Gordon could handle this.

The drive back home was uneventful. It was late enough that there weren’t many other cars on the road, and the road itself was in good condition thanks to some recent resurfacing. There were streetlights for a bit until they got out of Tommy and Darnold’s neighborhood, and then they drove the last fifteen minutes on pitch-black pavement, the moonlight illuminating the rocky cliffs in the distance.

Gordon looked back at one point to see Benny slumped over in the backseat, fast asleep. He smiled a little to himself - it was a familiar sight, especially when he took Joshua hiking or to a park. The kid was always asleep before they got home. He knew he would have to wake Benny up when they got to the house - it would be better than him waking up hours later in a strange place - but for now, he slowed down a little to prolong the journey, cruising gently down the desert road with a sky full of stars overhead and a strange but very precious cargo in the backseat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I now really want to see an album of "G-Man's Granddog Time," because he would absolutely take Sunkist cool places and buy her the best treats and spoil her rotten.
> 
> Come shout at me on Tumblr @Antilocaprine
> 
> P.S. Yes, the "pet project" potion was Darnold trying to find a way to grow Gordon's real arm back. No, Gordon did not pick up on that. Yes, he is pure of heart and dumb of ass.


End file.
